Ninety Seconds to Save Your Life

I am currently reading Ben Sherwood's excellent book The Survivors Club. It's all about how to survive in survivable situations. I especially love the chapter "Ninety Seconds to Save Your Life," which is all about surviving a plane crash. I highly recommend it, especially for all you frequent flyers.

In his book, a "survivor" is defined as a "super liver." This is how I want to live life! If you are over 10 years old, chances are that you have survived some kind of stressful, painful and perhaps even devastating experience in your life. Pain is the universal shared experience. We all have it. Whether it's your weight or a wayward child, a marriage that has disappointed you or ended in divorce, or that move you made that you knew would revolutionize your life but has turned out not so hot as you thought it would, it hurts.

If you are currently in a painful situation, take heart. The great (and frustrating) part of life is, it changes. Situations can change, people can change, circumstances can change. The only sure thing in life is change. So hang on. Tomorrow's a'coming. You can make it, just don't give up. Here's your saying for today, courtesy of my Mom: "This too shall pass."

Have a great day, and I'll be back tomorrow.

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

If you happened to catch Tuesday night's season opener of The Biggest Loser, you had a front-row seat to one of the most beautiful examples of camaraderie I've seen in a long time.

The new contestants were given their first challenge: walk or run the final mile of the 26-mile course that last year's contestants ran. This was no easy feat for these people; some of them are well over 300 pounds, and at least one is over 400.

The last few stragglers were finishing, and the camera panned to Tracey, one of the female contestants. She was literally crawling on her belly, so out of shape that she could not walk even one mile. The EMT was hovering over her, trying to decide what course of intervention he should take, when almost all of the other contestants stepped in, stooped down, picked her up by the arms, and carried her to the finish line. (Of course, by this time, I was in a puddle.) It was a stunning display of compassion and caring.

There are times in life where our friends and family carry us through, and there are times in life when we are the ones who have to do the carrying. It's easy to be the strong one, to be helping your friend when she is in the midst of a struggle. I think it's harder to be on the receiving end, to be the one who is in need of help. If you are going through a rough period right now, let your friends be there for you. It's okay to ask for help, and it's also fine to accept it.

If you have a friend who is having a rough time right now, call her, stop by for a visit, send her a funny card or a note; whatever the case, DO SOMETHING to show you love and care about her. These simple acts of love are what make us feel we belong to someone or something, that we matter to somebody else.

Remember that little saying: "To have a friend, be one."
Posted by Mistress of Woes at 6:13 AM
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Be Nice!

Remember how your Mother used to tell you, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Well, let me just remind you -- your Mother is RIGHT!!

I was just listening to a book called "The L Factor," which is about how likability helps people in every aspect of their lives. They literally studied people's physiology, and found that when you have a positive interaction with a person, your body releases "happy hormones," that make you feel good; when you have a negative interaction with a person, your body releases cortisol, the so-called "stress hormone." One of the major effects of too much cortisol in your system is increased belly fat. So negative interactions can not only affect your blood pressure, but your waistline as well!

So here's a thought for today. BE NICE. It's easy, it's simple, it doesn't cost you anything, and it has no negative side effects. You can make somebody's day by being friendly, agreeable, neighborly. Go out of your way and see what happens. Have a great day!

Calgon, Take Me Awaaaaaay!

Remember those old Calgon commercials? The Mom starts out harried, stressed-out, and in desperate need of a break. She looks up at the sky, throws up her hands, and shouts, “Calgon, take me awaaaaay!” The camera cuts to a blissful scene of Mom nestled in a luxurious bubble bath, stressed-out no more.

I must confess, this has been a stressful week for me. I needed to take pics of my products for my website and couldn’t find the camera; I needed to go to the dump and take a bunch of stuff there from my back yard and it rained all day yesterday; I needed to go to the gym and couldn’t find a good time when no kids were at the house and I had the energy to make the 15-minute drive. Today I need to have cheap family FUN and it’s overcast and cool outside.

So this morning first thing, when the air was still crisp and the day new, I hopped into my little Honda, stopped by Exxon and made myself a decaf coffee, and drove out to the hills and valleys of Howard County to places where there’s still plenty of green grass, open fields and horses and cows and goats. I listened to Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Rebecca Wells’s Southern masterpiece of L’usianna coming-of-age womanhood, and let the stress melt away. It was glorious, soul-nurturing, and way too short.

What is it that melts away your stress? Sometimes I think we women are so used to giving to everybody else, we forget what it is that even feels good to us. Is it a run, a great cup of coffee, a good book or magazine, a glass of wine or a bubble bath? Whatever it is, take some time today to nurture yourself and calm your inner turmoil. Take a quick read of Sarina the Stressed-Out Spider [the link is coming!!], and have a laugh. Make yourself a priority and “put yourself on the list,” as Oprah might say. Have a great day, and relax a little!

'Til Our Reality Show Cancels Do We Part

Did anybody else happen to catch the “Primetime – Family Secrets” special on the other night? If you did, you sat down to a half hour of Jon Gosselin dogging his soon-to-be ex-wife, Kate. It was tabloid journalism at its best – bitter, nasty and impossible to look away from – and divorce American-style at its worst.

I know I need to tread lightly on this subject, because it is the ONE woe out of the 10 Woe Rings stories that I have not personally experienced. My parents were married until one of them died, my in-laws have been married over 50 years, my Mom was married to my step-Dad until he passed away. I’ve been married to the same man for 18 years. I don’t have a lot of experience here, and I know it.

That being said, can we just state the obvious? Don’t go on national television and say that you love your new 20-something girlfriend MORE than you love the mother of your children. It’s just ICKY. Don’t use your kids as a bargaining chip or a means to win sympathy votes.

If you are one of the millions going through a divorce, no matter how much of a rotten SOB your future ex is, stay true to yourself. Remember to be the person you want to be, not the person that divorce sometimes turns people into: bitter, mean-spirited and childish. And if you have kids, honor your future ex as the father of your children. Remember that this is the one and only childhood your kids will have. Your childhood is over, and it is whatever it was, good, bad or somewhere in the middle. Your kids are watching and listening to everything you say and do, even when it seems they aren’t. Show them what dignity is and how to get on with life when circumstances totally suck.

And if you can’t abide by all of the above, remember the infamous words of Ivana Trump: “Don’t get mad, GET EVERYTHING!”

You are NOT the Biggest Loser!

Well, it’s that time of year again, school has started, the weather is cooling down, and I am on track to “get in shape” by Thanksgiving, when we always see my husband’s side of the family, and people inevitably either remark “Wow, you look great!” or refrain from saying anything at all, which I know means “Step away from the gravy, woman!”
Next week, one of my favorite shows, “The Biggest Loser,” starts. I love this show, not only because it’s transformative and inspirational, but because it shows how stinking hard it is to lose weight. Let’s face it, ladies. Once you’ve gained those freshman 20, childbearing 10, and mid-life 5, it’s HARD to get back into your once-beloved skinny jeans. The people on the show have doctors, trainers, nutritionists, 24/7 access to a gym, and no housework or jobs, and they STILL have a hard time losing the weight.
Not only that, but we see celebrities who abuse their bodies, starve themselves thin, and are so nipped and tucked, many of them look like the Mother Ship is about to land and take them back to Planet Skinny any minute. I’ve decided not to do this to myself this year.
So this year, I’m focusing on healthy. Yes, I would LOVE to get back into my size eights. That’s the ideal weight for me. BUT I am not going to kill myself again only to gain it back again. No, I’m going to exercise daily, life weights reasonably, and focus on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and good old-fashioned COMMON SENSE.
I hope my “Deborah the Dieting Dingo” [the link is coming!] story gives you a giggle and some encouragement. Take care of yourselves. Be healthy. And let loose once in awhile! You may or may not live longer without that glass of wine or piece of chocolate cake; but be certain of this – it will definitely feel longer! Be healthy & have a great day.

What is this?

Don’t you HATE being the only one? There have been so many times in my life when I’ve felt like the heaviest, brokest (is that even a word?), most stressed-out person in the room. And worse than that, it felt like nobody else really knew or cared what I was going through. I hate feeling alone, and I don’t want anybody else to feel alone, either. That is the impetus for me starting this new business and hopefully new community called Woe Rings.

“What is a Woe Ring?” This is the question I’ve been trying to answer for two whole years! A Woe Ring can best be described as “a smile & a gift for a friend who needs a lift.” What do you give a girlfriend or sister or Mom when she’s dieting or stressed-out or putting all her coins in a bag to go to Wendy’s for a Frosty?

I realized a couple of years ago that no gift existed for these times in life. So I sat down, wrote 10 stories putting fantasy characters into real-life situations such as divorce, stress, and dieting, found a kick-butt artist (Darcy) and launched a business that is now about to be launched on a website with me talking to you (and hopefully more than just my Mom will read this) and inviting you to join the discussion.

So take heart! You are not alone. I see you. I care. And I hope you care, too. If you are going through one of these difficult times, please join us in sharing our stories and caring for one another. If you have a friend or sister or neighbor who is having a rough time, send her a Woe Rings card with the earrings. Send her to our website, and we’ll encourage her, too. I know it’s corny, but we really are all in this together. Drop me a line and let me know you’re out there. I’d love to hear your stories.